Saturday, May 28, 2011

A home for Facebookers who don't get Onion's jokes.

For any writer who is trying to be funny, there is a very special pain that comes when someone doesn't get the joke.
It hits you somewhere beneath the ribs and the pain then courses around your torso, before finally emerging, days later, from a nostril.
This is a feeling that must often infect those who toil at The Onion, a place that attempts to offer truth delivered through comedic fiction. Sometimes, though, the Onion's writers are just too good. So good, indeed, that people take to Facebook to display their amusing stories as facts.
Now an enterprising Tumblr-er has taken it upon himself or herself to display some of these Facebookers who are taken in by the Onion's headlines. (The names and faces of the posters have been redacted.)
Literally Unbelievable is a compendium of whoa! and woe.
There is the Facebooker who declares: "I'll never comprehend GOD's patience with us! *REPENT* America!!"
This is a sentiment with which it is very hard to disagree. The only slight problem is that it was incited by an Onion article, headlined "Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex."
(Credit: Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET)
Then there's the Facebooker who rails: "So much for freedom of speach!" What could possibly have made this person emit such freedom of spelling?
Why, it was the Onion headline: "Government Official Who Makes Perfectly Valid, Well-Reasoned Point Against Israel Forced to Resign."
And what would cause someone to post this opinion on President Obama: "So Much for Obama being the Peace President. Reagan was horrified by the thought of nuclear war and pushed his Soviet counter part to seek a treaty banning all nuclear weapons. Is Obama a nut case or what?"
It could be "or what" as this response was engendered by the Onion headline: "Obama Makes It Through Another Day Of Resisting Urge To Launch All U.S. Nuclear Weapons At Once."
There will be those who will claim that such carelessness on behalf of so many suggests that they are merely skimming the headlines and not reading the texts. I fear that this is not true. I fear that these are people who read the whole beautifully written articles and still believe that they are utterly real.
I am sure you will be able to submit more excellent Facebook posts to this fine and noble Tumblr feed. Surely, at least one of your supposed friends has offered up an Onion posting as if it were gospel.
In memoriam, America. In memoriam.

Google Wallet: The Complete FAQ - 2 -

Security Concerns

Okay, wise guy, what about security? Is this thing actually safe?
Believe it or not, by most measures, it's safer than carrying a physical credit card in your pocket. Google Wallet stores your account info encrypted on a special chip inside your phone. The chip is completely separate from the rest of the phone's hardware and isn't connected to the operating system, either. Google says only authorized programs like the Google Wallet app can access the chip--and if someone tries to hack into it, it'll automatically self-destruct (take that, James Bond!).
I'm still not convinced. What if another program somehow gains access?
Here's what Google says about that:
"Both the Android platform and the Secure Element [chip] are designed to prevent this from happening. Android enforces strict access policies so that malicious applications wouldn't have access to data stored by Google Wallet. Even Google Wallet itself has very limited access to the [chip] and cannot read or write data from its memory. There are multiple levels of protection for data stored on the [chip] and it is protected at the hardware level from snooping or tampering."
[Read Tony Bradley's report: Can You Trust Your Data to Google Wallet?]
If someone else had my phone, then, could they go on a wild shopping spree with my account?
Probably not. First of all, you have to enter a PIN in order to make any payment, so having the phone by itself wouldn't be enough to access your accounts. If you were to lose your phone or somehow get unauthorized charges, it'd work the same way it would with a regular credit card: You'd call your banking company and they'd suspend the account. Any unauthorized charges would be handled the same way they would be if they happened with regular ol' plastic.
According to the crew from GigaOm, Google can also remotely wipe your financial info from your phone if the need arises.
How about that snooping thing? What's to stop someone from using some sort of gizmo to lift my data from my phone when I'm walking around?
Near Field CommunicationsNear Field CommunicationsGoogle says a phone's NFC capability is only activated when its screen is powered on, so a transmission wouldn't be possible when the device is idle in your pocket. On top of that, data can only be transmitted when you enter your PIN. All in all, it'd probably be easier for someone to look at the numbers printed on your plastic card than to get them out of your phone.
Will Google be collecting data on me when I use Google Wallet?
The G-gang promises it won't be playing the role of big brother. Google says it receives no data about purchases and records only the time and type of card used in each transaction. That information is stored locally on the phone, and you can always remove it (along with your account info) anytime you want.
Does Google get any of the money I pay?
Negatory; Google takes no cut from purchases made through its Google Wallet system.
Then what is Google getting out of this?
Good question. For one thing, Google Wallet allows Google to add value into its existing products and services, like Android. Compelling features draw in more users, which is what Google is ultimately after.
Google Wallet also integrates with a variety of other Google services, thanks to a component called Google Offers. Google Offers allows you to find virtual coupons to store on your phone, within the Wallet app, and then use when you check out at businesses.
Notably, you find those offers by using Google's official Offers website--currently being beta tested in a handful of cities--or by clicking on relevant links in other Google products like Maps, Latitude, and search. Everything brings you back to Google, and that's where Google stands to benefit the most.
Tell me more about this Google Offers thing.
Google OffersGoogle OffersOnce Google Offers launches for your city, you'll be able to go online and seek out coupons for retailers in your area. It looks like Google will also offer an option to get coupons in your email each day (ouch, Groupon).
When you check out at a store, you'll just show the virtual coupon to the cashier to get the discount or deal. At certain businesses, you'll be able to redeem the coupon wirelessly using the Google Wallet technology. A bunch of stores are already on-board with this, including such places as American Eagle, Bloomingdale's, Jamba Juice, Macy's, Subway, and Walgreens.
I run a business. How can I learn more about Google Wallet and/or Offers from a merchant perspective?
You can contact the Google Wallet gang by emailing wallet-b2b@google.com.
Aren't you getting tired of answering questions about Google Wallet? What is this, question number 70 or something?
Number 263, actually--and yes, now that you mention it, I am a bit bushed.

Google Wallet: The Complete FAQ

Google Wallet turns your smartphone into a mobile payment machine. Here's everything you're itching to know about the new mobile service.

Google's hoping you're ready to put your money where your phone is.
Yeah--you read that right. Google announced the launch of a new mobile payment system called "Google Wallet" on Thursday. The service lets you store your credit cards inside your smartphone, then use the device to make contact-free payments. All you do is wave your phone in front of a special sensor, and--hocus pocus!--the payment is made.
Google Wallet isn't magic, though (hey, this isn't Apple we're talking about). It uses something called Near Field Communication to let your phone communicate wirelessly with sensors at stores' checkout lanes. Support for Near Field Communication, or NFC, is built into Google's Android 2.3 (Gingerbread) operating system. A phone also needs the right hardware to be able to put it to use.
Now, I know: This all sounds a bit wacky. The whole mobile payment concept, after all, is new and uncharted territory for most of us. That's why I've put together this massive Google Wallet FAQ. Read on, and get answers to all your burning questions.

Who can use Google Wallet?
Anyone with a compatible phone. To start, the service will support only Google's Nexus S 4G phone on Sprint. Google says, however, it'll be working to add more devices as time moves on. The service is also being offered only in the United States as of now.
So if I have any other phone, I'm just out of luck?
Nexus S 4G smartphoneNexus S 4G smartphone Not necessarily. As reported by TechCrunch, Google is working on a special kind of sticker that will allow non-NFC-compatible phones to access the Google Wallet service. It'll reportedly be a more limited experience than you'd get on a fully supported phone, but it'll at least let you make basic credit card payments.
What about non-Android phones?
Google has yet to mention anything about support for phones outside of its Android operating system. According to IDG News reporter Nancy Gohring, Google representatives at Thursday's Wallet event "did not respond to a question about whether other kinds of phones are welcome on the platform."
Will Google Wallet work right now?
Whoa there, Nelly--not yet. Today was just an announcement. Google says it's field-testing the Google Wallet technology right now and will release it publicly "soon."
Will Google Wallet work with any credit card?
Not exactly. At launch, Google Wallet will integrate only with Citi MasterCards. The service will also have a built-in "Google Prepaid Card" that can store money added from any other credit card. (Google even gives you a free $10 credit on the prepaid card when you first sign up.)
Google says it's "working quickly" to add more credit card options into the service and plans to eventually support "all the cards you keep in your wallet today."
Will Google Wallet work with any other kinds of cards?
In some cases, Google Wallet can store loyalty cards--store memberships and the likes--and gift cards, too. Google envisions the Wallet program one day handling things like driver's licenses, hotel keys, and even concert tickets, too.
Will most stores accept Google Wallet as a payment?
"Hundreds of thousands" of businesses are already set up to do it, according to Google. The reason: Google Wallet uses MasterCard's PayPass system to accept transactions on the merchant end, and that system is already fairly widely deployed across the U.S. You can find a list of places in your area that'll work with Google Wallet.
So how exactly will I make a Google Wallet payment?
When you're in a store that supports MasterCard PayPass, you'll type in a PIN and wave your phone in front of the PayPass terminal when it's time to pay. It's just like swiping a credit card--except, you know, without the actual credit card or swiping motion.
Will I get a receipt?
Yep--just like normal. Later this year, though, Google is planning to tack on a new feature that'll let stores send receipts electronically right back through the Wallet application.
What if I'm in an area where I get bad reception?
Doesn't matter--Google says no network connection is needed to make a Google Wallet payment.
What if my phone's battery dies?
If your battery dies, you're out of luck. The phone has to be powered on in order for Google Wallet to work.
Will Google Wallet cost me anything to use?
Nope, not a thing (aside from the emotional cost of strangers' stares as they look at you in bewilderment).
There is one exception, though: If you opt to use the Google Prepaid Card part of the service, you may eventually run into fees. Google says adding funds onto that card will be fee-free "at least until the end of 2011"--which makes it sound like some type of cost might be in the cards, so to speak, at some point down the line.
Will my Citi MasterCard automatically work with Google Wallet?
Probably, but you can double-check to be sure. Any card added to Google Wallet will also have a $100 payment limit at first; you'll have to get an authorization code from Citi to activate your full credit line.
Next: More Google Wallet FAQs, including privacy and security concerns

A MacBook with Apple inside? Intel begs to differ.

Rumors about Apple developing a MacBook with one of its own chips--not Intel's--were advanced on Friday, based on a post at a Japanese-language Web site. An Intel executive had some thoughts on the subject.
Apple's rumored experimentation with a MacBook Air using the same kind of processor used in the iPad is probably little more than the usual dabbling in new design concepts that any device maker does.
Apple's rumored experimentation with a MacBook Air using the same kind of processor used in the iPad is probably little more than the usual dabbling in new design concepts that any device maker does.
(Credit: Apple)
Let's get right to the post on the Japanese Web site Macotakara Kanteidan about the rumored MacBook Air test vehicle packing a Thunderbolt port. In a Japanese-language post entitled "Is an A5-equipped MacBook Air being tested?" the site claims that "according to someone who has seen a model running with [Apple's] A5 processor, the performance is better than had been thought."
Assuming the report is credible, that's a pretty big leap from a frantic rumor about Apple "dumping Intel" to a real system running on the A5, the Apple-branded chip--based on an ARM design--that's used in the iPad 2.
To date, Apple's ultrathin MacBook Air has run exclusively on Intel processors. And that's expected to continue when Apple announces new Airs based on Intel's "Sandy Bridge" processors this summer, based on my own sources who are familiar with Apple's plans.
I asked Intel's marketing chief Tom Kilroy about this latest report early today. "We're very closely aligned with Apple. We've got our best design teams working with their best design teams. And we're quite comfortable we've got good collaboration going forward," he said. And based on the foreseeable future for the MacBook, Kilroy is most likely correct.
And I also checked in with chip expert Anand Shimpi--who runs the highly respected site Anandtech--who believes it's not unusual for Apple to do some experimentation. But tinkering with a test vehicle is one thing, building a commercial system is quite different.
"It's not surprising to me that Apple would be experimenting with an ARM-based notebook," he said in response to an e-mail query. "However, it would have to be running iOS--the experience under OS X would be suboptimal by Apple's standards," he said, adding, "remember, this is what kept Apple from ever making a Netbook based on [Intel's] Atom [chip]."
And he had some more thoughts. "In my opinion, Apple won't think about moving to ARM-based notebooks until the 'A6,' which should be based on ARM's Cortex A15 core. At that point we can have a discussion, but remember that just as ARM is climbing up, Intel is scaling down. I would be very surprised to see Apple ship an ARM-based OS X machine where performance is a concern. That's not to say that they aren't experimenting with the idea."
The Japanese blog also speculates about some of the challenges facing the iOS running on a MacBook Air, among other challenges, and concludes that the A5-based MacBook Air is likely just an exercise in experimentation.
(Via Apple Insider)

Ford puts EV charge port in a user-friendly spot

(Credit: Ford)
Ford wants the action of plugging in a new Ford EV to have an intuitive feel. The automaker today announced it has standardized the location of charge points on the Focus Electric and C-MAX Energi to the left front fender.
"After benchmarking multiple competitive vehicles, we found there wasn't much consistency in charge port location," said Susan Curry, Ford Electrified Vehicle Technology Integration supervisor. "We wanted to give customers a location that made the most sense for them and would seem as simple as filling up at the gas station."
According to Ford, EV owners are likely to plug in or disconnect their car up to four times a day, or nearly 1,500 times a year. This is compared with the once-a-week frequency of filling up a gas tank. It was important to get the charge port location just right.
Ford engineers researched several locations for the Focus Electric and C-MAX Energi charge ports to provide best spot for customer use. The plan of putting a charge port in the front and rear of the vehicle was rejected, because those locations could be damaged in small crashes, Ford said.
(Credit: Ford)
"The left front fender location keeps the charge port in sight, before the customer enters or exits the car, for an easy reminder to unplug or recharge," said Mary Smith, Ford Electrified Vehicle Technology Integration supervisor. "It creates an intuitive placement for owners that also has aesthetic appeal."
Ford released the Transit Connect Electric in 2010 and will launch the Focus Electric later this year. In 2012, these models will be joined in North America by the new C-Max Hybrid, a second next-generation lithium ion battery hybrid, and the C-Max Energi plug-in hybrid.

Zuckerberg takes to killing chickens and pigs

I would like to paint a picture for you on this Memorial Day weekend. It is of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg chopping off a live chicken's head with a large knife.
No, the chicken is not called MySpace. Nor has anyone ever referred to it as "Privacy."
However, it seems that the Valley's own Scotty McCreery has decided to start killing his own fowl before he eats it. Actually, according to Fortune, he isn't just stopping at fowl. He's into a little pig slaughter too.
You think that I might be offering a little callous besmirchment? Truly, I am no headless chicken in these matters. For Zuckerberg himself wrote an e-mail to Fortune, in which he explained that before he eats any animal, he makes sure it is one whose life he has personally ended.
It's a little, he wrote, like learning Chinese (that was his personal challenge for last year).
This year, he explained, "my personal challenge is around being thankful for the food I have to eat. I think many people forget that a living being has to die for you to eat meat, so my goal revolves around not letting myself forget that and being thankful for what I have."
"He's a nice man at heart," said the goat.
(Credit: CC Deney Terrio/Flickr)
I know there might be some who will have a little difficulty connecting every single dot between gratitude and pig slaughter.
However, Zuckerberg merely stated: "This year I've basically become a vegetarian, since the only meat I'm eating is from animals I've killed myself."
So, is the idea that it is so hard to get oneself to kill a pig that this is a fine way to reduce one's meat intake? Or is the thought that one simply shouldn't eat meat that came from something one didn't, in some way, friend first?
It's hard to judge from Zuckerberg's e-mail. For he revealed the roots of his new behavior this way: "A bunch of people told me that even though they loved eating pork, they really didn't want to think about the fact that the pig used to be alive. That just seemed irresponsible to me. I don't have an issue with anything people choose to eat, but I do think they should take responsibility and be thankful for what they eat rather than trying to ignore where it came from."
He offered to Fortune that his first victim of pleasure was a lobster. He boiled it alive. How did it feel to eat a personally boiled lobster?
"The most interesting thing was how special it felt to eat it after having not eaten any seafood or meat in a while," he told Fortune. But did it feel special because his relationship with the lobster was personal--even if a little lopsided? Was he tempted to tag it on his Facebook account before swallowing it?
Zuckerberg told Fortune that his next step will be to go hunting. And in case you're wondering just how far his animal-elimination had gone so far, Mashable revealed that on his private Facebook page, Zuckerberg had posted: "I just killed a pig and a goat."
The goat was surely a tough one. I've always found them remarkably friendly little things, even if they spawned the goatee.
Personally, I have a lot of sympathy with Zuckerberg's essential logic about meat-eating--well, up to the point at which he expresses his desire only to eat meat that he has killed. Wouldn't just watching some poor lobster being boiled or some pig being poked in the eye be enough?
And shouldn't he accord the same alleged respect for lettuce, tomatoes, and broccoli? Those things are living too, aren't they? So shouldn't he eat only greens that he has personally chopped off or torn asunder at the roots?
I know there will be some amateur (and even professional) psychologists who will feel that the Facebook CEO's innately competitive nature will be stirred by his animacidal exploits.
Many (including some who live on farms and have four legs) will, I am sure, be dying to see whether the more he kills animals, the more he partakes of their mortal flesh.
Those who enjoy crime novels and Jeffrey Dahmer biographies tell me that people who enjoy a little killing tend to get something of a taste for it.

NASA to demonstrate super-cool cooling technology

The new cooling device from NASA.
The new cooling device of the future from NASA.
(Credit: NASA)
Ever wondered about the source of that humming sound coming from your computer? It's most likely the fan that tries to ventilate the internal components. That's a typical cooling system.
NASA's Jeff Didion (holding the pump) and his EHD-cooling technology developing partners.
Jeff Didion (holding the pump) and his EHD-cooling technology developing partners.
(Credit: NASA)
I am not a rocket scientist, but generally speaking, as electronic components get tinier and more powerful, the amount of heat they generate gets proportionately higher. This is due to the simple fact that there's just not enough surface for the heat to dissipate quickly enough. That's why all computers' processors and high-end video cards come with a heat sink with a fan on top. Take this heat sink away and you'd fry the component in a matter of seconds.
Now bring these little advanced devices into space, where there's no air or moisture to help conduct the heat, and you'll have an even bigger challenge. And that's exactly what NASA has been facing.
According to NASA's Jeff Didion, a thermal engineer at the Goddard Space Flight Center, in the world of electronics, thermal control is always one of the limiting factors. He has been collaborating with Jamal Seyed-Yagoobi, a professor at the Illinois Institute of Technology in Chicago, to partner with the U.S. Air Force and National Renewable Energy Laboratory to find ways to push the envelope of thermal-control barriers.
The result is the new electrohydrodynamic (EHD)-based thermal control technology, unveiled yesterday, that promises to make it easier and more efficient to remove heat from small spaces. This solution is meant to address a particular challenge for engineers building advanced space instruments and microprocessors that could fail if the heat they generate is not removed.
The prototype of the new thermal control technology is a tiny pump, about the size of a little finger, which, apart from the cooling function, is designed to withstand the extreme launch loads as a rocket lifts off and hurtles toward space. The pump will be demonstrated in June on a rocket mission designed to carry microsatellites into space. "Should the device survive the vibration, the technology will have achieved a major milestone in its development," Didion said. "It will mean that it is at or near operational status, making it a viable technology for use on spaceflight instruments."
While the device is being called a pump, the prototype has no moving parts. According to Didion, unlike current cooling technologies used today by instrument and component developers, EHD does not rely on mechanical pumps and other moving parts. Instead, it uses electric fields to pump coolant through tiny ducts inside a thermal cold plate. From there, the waste heat is dumped onto a radiator and dispersed far from heat-sensitive circuitry that must operate within certain temperature ranges.
The fact that no mechanical parts are required means the new cooling system is lighter, consumes less power, (about .5W) and most importantly, can be scaled to different sizes, from larger cold plates to micro-scale electronic components and lab-on-a-chip devices. To see how this would work out, apart from the tiny pump to be tested in the rocket mission in June, a prototype EHD cold plate is also scheduled to be used as an experiment on the International Space Station in 2013.
In the meantime, Didion said, the team is continuing its work to further advance EHD, such as developing EHD pumps in microchannels that are etched onto silicon wafers. The next step is placing the technology on circuit boards, with the ultimate goal of scaling it to the chip level where the ducts would be no larger than 100 microns, or about the width of a human hair.
There's not yet any information available on how much the technology costs, but hopefully in the future, it will be applied to more down-to-earth applications, such as a computer's microprocessor. Then you wouldn't have to worry about getting a water-cooling system or a huge fan if you're big on overclocking.
After helping to develop polarized sunglasses and proliferate the use of Velcro, this just might be the next, coolest thing--quite literally--that NASA has had to offer.